Mummy Zen

Yesterday it was raining. We’d planned to go out and do something but the weather put an end to that idea and instead we felt stuck inside needing some inspiration to liven things up a bit. Back in the early days of this blog, I wrote a post about things to do with a young baby when it rains but now our son is an energetic toddler, some of those suggestions aren’t so effective. We did have a bit of a sing-along session and we did go out for a walk anyway but in the middle of all that, we were desperately thinking of something different to do with him at home. In the end we built a living room ‘tent’ by draping blankets over chairs!

Later that day, I stumbled across a blog post of 10 simple play ideas for toddlers. Too bad I hadn’t read it earlier in the day as there are some good things to try:

1. Tissue Box (for posting things into and then shaking them out)
2. Utensil drawer
3. Old phone and keyboard
4. Pegs
5. Saucepans and lids
6. Cup stacking
7. Lining up (eg. putting socks on a window ledge and then knocking them all down!)
8. Pillow obstacle course
9. Dustpan and brush
10. Cubby (like the ‘tent’ we made in our living room)

The mother of five children who wrote this post, points out that most toddlers love to play with household items so these can be perfect play solutions for your little ones. I put a similar list (from Simple Mom) in a post a while back but as all the things on this list are totally different, I decided to include another similar post as we can never have too many of these kinds of ideas in my opinion!

My son loves to watch me use the dustpan and brush (especially when I pretend to sweep him up!). He also likes to help me unpack the dishwasher and passes me the cutlery one piece at a time. Utensils and plastic containers are still a big hit with him, as I’ve mentioned on here before. No surprise then that sometimes the best ideas for fun play are letting children loose with some of the everyday items they see you use so often.

Are there some household items or games you play with your children at home along similar lines to those suggested above?

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Last month, we went to Croatia for 10 days. When we got back, I found out I’d won a copy of the book, ‘Tales from a Travelling Mum‘, after leaving a comment on an interview with the author Alice Griffin over at the blog Angels and Urchins. It might have been better timing to have read the book before our trip but reading it afterwards, meant I could relate a lot more to Alice’s tales and tips.

The book covers Alice’s journeys with husband and daughter Isabella, beginning when her little one was a mere eight weeks old and covering the first two years. After having a baby, Alice didn’t want her love for independent travel to be affected by parenthood and so her book is a great narrative of how you can make it work with a baby in tow. She provides both anecdotal stories and practical tips to give other parents the confidence to travel at whim with their children. Her travels were not just a week spent here and there but lingering road trips over a period of weeks and months. As a result, Alice has all kinds of insightful experiences to share with her readers.

I’ve decided to pick a few of my favourite pieces of advice from the book for this post, which I am sure you will find helpful for your own family travels:

Babies exist the world over. You don’t need to stuff hundreds of nappies in your suitcase; just pick them up at a local chemist. Whilst this might sound obvious, many of us are guilty of over-packing when it comes to our children. It’s good to stop and think what makes sense not to pack, like nappies and formula that you can pick up at your destination.

Consider self-catering accommodation when visiting a city as it provides a home-from-home environment for you and your baby. This is what we did in Croatia and it definitely makes life a lot easier than all being cramped together in a hotel room.

Old toys will not hold Isabella’s attention if she feels irritable. I therefore now always have a handful of new items or toys she has never seen before, or that she sees as forbidden. This is something we learned on our recent trip. Whilst we had toys with us to keep our son busy as we had a coffee, waited for a meal or during a car journey, he barely took any interest in them. I’m now starting to collect a secret travel batch of toys and hope the novelty of these will hold his interest a little longer on our next trip.

It would be wise to visit a city with a little one at a quieter time. It is less overwhelming for little eyes and ears and everyone  has a more enjoyable experience. I wholeheartedly agree with this piece of advice and think that before you’re constrained to school holidays, it makes sense to take family trips out of season. With less cost involved and less tourists, it’s definitely the way to go.

When you’re heading off on a long car journey make sure you have a good selection of stories and nursery rhymes on CD. I wish I’d had this tip before our holiday. We had to resort to lots of singing in the car!

There is no need to take huge numbers of large toys. There is usually something much more interesting going on and you will just find yourself lugging them about for no reason. We took a small selection of small toys with us and it was fine. Our son was given some toys by friendly waitresses and shopkeepers and there were fun things to do outside like throwing pebbles into the sea and building sandcastles.

For many more helpful suggestions on travelling with a child under the age of two and for some wonderful travel stories, do get yourself a copy of Alice’s book, Tales from a Travelling Mum: Navigating Europe with a Babe-in-arms. Also, check out Alice’s website here.

What have your baby/toddler travel experiences been like? Do you have some tips to share?

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When our son was only about four months old, we had some friends who came to stay with their 2-year old son. For dinner, they got him some spaghetti in a tomato sauce. They sat him at the table with it but he seemed uninterested and despite some encouragement from his parents, wasn’t eating it.  The adults all got to talking and a few minutes later, our friend’s son was happily tucking into his plate of spaghetti. Once the attention had been taken away from him, he just got on with it.

I experienced a similar scenario with my own son, now aged 1 1/2 last week. He likes to feed himself but still has some trouble scooping food onto his spoon or fork so I help him with it. I had made him something for lunch that included some broccoli. It’s not his favourite vegetable but he does eat it and he liked everything else in the meal with it. I helped him get some onto the spoon and guided the spoon towards his mouth but he took one taste and spat out the broccoli! After a couple more tries, he was then refusing to put anything in his mouth so I just ignored him and ate some of my own lunch. In no time at all, he had the spoon in his hand and managed to scoop some food onto his spoon and into his mouth (including some broccoli). He was very impressed with himself and I clapped and congratulated him too. He proceeded to eat up all his lunch, including ever scrap of the broccoli!

I think these two examples highlight a couple of points. One is that around the age of 1 1/2-2 a child’s independence is developing and becoming more important to them. They like to do things their way and having someone standing over their shoulder or making them the centre of attention is maybe a bit threatening to their feeling of independence.

Secondly, without meaning to, sometimes parents can unintentionally put some pressure on their children at mealtimes. We all want our children to eat well, healthily and to eat a sensible amount for each meal. By focusing on their eating too much, we can forget that mealtimes should actually be a relaxed enjoyable family time.

Have you experienced similar situations with your children? Do you find they eat better when they are left to get on with it themselves?

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I was recently reading an article about the drink Ribena and it’s questionable claims of vitamin C content. The article happened to have some insightful comments on parenting too. I thought that the following paragraph was probably very relatable to many parents:

I was a fabulous parent before I had children. I confidently predicted that I would not dismiss my kids’s feelings or emotions, nor utter dismissive phrases like ‘you don’t really feel that way towards your brother’ or ‘you can’t be tired, you just slept’. Basking in 8 hours of blissfully uninterrupted sleep, I recognised then the genuine feelings and emotions of children; that it is perfectly possible that they could have just slept and still be tired; or that they might well be angry with a sibling. Stock parental responses – aimed at stemming that particular argument – would never pass my lips.

I remember writing something called ‘The Postive Parenting Programme’ when I was at school. I can’t remember the purpose for writing it now, but the idea was to encourage parents to respond in a positive way to their children and to minimise the use of negative language like ‘no’ and ‘don’t do that’…. As I grew older, I maintained the view that we didn’t need to use the word ‘no’ with children and I guess I hoped I would be a ‘positive’ parent.

The truth is, I do use the word ‘no’ with my son and I do tell him not to do certain things. On the one hand, maybe that’s the easy option because it takes less time to say ‘no’ than to use a different technique like distracting them or stopping to think how you can tell them to stay away from something in a postive way. On the other hand, as a parent now, I see things a little differently to how I did when I was younger. I think it is ok to say ‘no’, especially in a potentially dangerous situation when you need your child to sense the risk or hazard in something they might be touching or doing.

For me, it’s more important not to use negative language like ‘no’ or ‘don’t do that’ too much of the time. If you use it all the time, it loses its significance somewhat. Also, something I’ve read that I think is a good point to remember is that we should pick our battles. If your child’s doing something you’d rather they didn’t but it isn’t actually naughty or dangerous, then let it go. So what if something gets messed up? It can get cleaned up later and it’s all part of our child’s exploratory nature that sometimes we need to remember to encourage.

Most likely, many of us are not the parent we wanted to be. The reality of parenthood is that it can be a lot to deal with sometimes and as a consequence we can react to our children or respond to situations in ways we never thought we would. Being a parent is a wonderful, rewarding journey but there are all sorts of challenges along the way, which we have no way to prepare for in advance! I think it can be helpful every now and then to consider our own parenting, how we speak to our children and whether we’re doing all the things we’d hoped to do pre-parenthood. Whilst we might never achieve our idea of the ‘perfect parent’, thinking about our attitude and approach is a good way to recognise areas where we could make small changes for the better.

Are there things you do now as a parent that you never thought you’d do pre-parenthood? Has your outlook on parenting changed significantly since you have become a parent?

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It’s always nice to return from holiday to a sunny warm London. It makes coming home after a wonderful time away less disheartening.

I love how London transforms in the spring and summer, from a cold, grey city with people bundled up and barely making eye contact, to a lively fun city with people sitting outside in cafes, parks, by the river, all feeling happier and more sociable. It’s a great time of year for families to get outside, have some fresh air, play in open spaces or take a day-trip somewhere. When the sun is out, people start planning picnics, barbeques and other outdoor get-togethers.

On Sunday 18 July, the Eden Project and its supporters invite you to participate in The Big Lunch. The idea is that you share a lunch or even go as far as throwing a street party with your neighbours. I think it’s a really nice idea for establishing or strengthening a sense of community in your local area and getting to know people right on your doorstep with whom you might never have crossed paths before.

By the time I heard about it last year (the first Big Lunch), it was a matter of days before and too late to organise anything. We live in an apartment building with a communal garden and I thought it would have been a perfect excuse to plan a barbeque or picnic out in the garden with everyone bringing food and drink to share. We hardly ever see any of our neighbours so it would be fun to find out who shares a building with us. According to The Big Lunch blog, research has revealed that nearly one in ten of us have no idea who lives next door!

If you are a bit hesitant about lunching with your neighbours, here are 6 reasons from The Big Lunch website as to why you should join in:

1. To stoke up community spirit – we call it Human Warming.
2. To make the third of us who live alone feel happier, closer and… friendlier.
3. To show how local people can change a neighbourhood for good, forever.
4. To conquer our natural shyness, to open our curtains, doors and minds and look out for one another the way we used to.
5. To share stories, skills and tools, so we all end up richer in every sense.
6. To discover common ground across age, class, faith, race and the garden fence, and to remind ourselves that charity begins at home, or at most, a couple of doors away.

Their website and blog provide all the information, tools and suggestions you could possibly need for organising a Big Lunch. Their latest blog post for example is the first of six posts about growing your own food for your Big Lunch! Alternatively, if you are less keen to organise it yourself but would like to participate in a local gathering, you can search for one taking place in your area. July might seem a long way off, but if The Big Lunch sounds like something you’d enjoy, I’ve given you plenty of notice to start thinking and planning!

Do you know your neighbours well? Had you heard about The Big Lunch? What do you think about the idea?

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I’m off on holiday tomorrow and unfortunately have not been organised enough to write a post this week before leaving, nor to schedule any in my absence.

Check back at the end of the month….

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My son started walking a few weeks ago. He’d taken his time with it, even though he’d been cruising throughout the house for months, he needed to get a bit more confidence for walking ‘hands-free’. What started with walking from one side of our living room to the other soon progressed to walking all over, in and out of any room he liked and then outside. It was exciting for us to see him walk and he looked so pleased with himself too!

This week, we’ve been getting plenty of practice in. We’ve walked to our local shops, just around the corner from where we live and on a quiet road. We’ve walked in the park too, on the path and also in the playground. It’s still quite new to him so he walks very slowly and it gives a whole new meaning to a leisurely stroll. He looks up at anyone we pass and gives them a big smile. I get ever so slightly annoyed if the person doesn’t look at him and misses out on his sweet smile! Strangers stop and talk to us, usually other parents or grandparents, and this brings out even bigger smiles from my son. He slows down to look at pebbles in a driveway or a particular stone in a wall and everything is so new and fascinating for him.

Maybe you’ll tell me the novelty will soon wear off, but I have been enjoying our slow walks. I’m naturally quite a brisk walker so it feels funny to be taking steps at such a slower pace. The way I look at it, is that I have the time to take my time. I’m not rushing off anywhere, I don’t have to be at a certain place for a certain time. Whilst the pebbles in a driveway may not have the same fascination for me as they do my son, I am taking in other things that I’d otherwise not be looking at or noticing if I was walking at my usual speed. I’m taking in all the beautiful blossom on the trees and seeing so many more trees than I’d previously been aware of. I’m doing more people watching than I ordinarily get to do and being more conscious of the warm sun on my face or a slight breeze in the air. It’s really quite enjoyable and relaxing.

When I think back to when I was working, (pre-baby) such a slow pace in my life didn’t exist. I was always rushing somewhere, or hurriedly getting work done to meet tight deadlines, cramming in the gym after work, meeting friends in an evening, going out…..Even though I got to walk through a lovely London park to get to and from work each day, it was never leisurely, always a means to get from A to B. Walking in busy central London during rush hour with all those other people, pushing and shoving as everyone’s wanting to get somewhere fast is a horrible thought to me now.

Not that my life has now turned into one long slow stroll and I never have to rush to get things done, but I’m realising that taking a bit of time to consciously slow down can be beneficial. I always urge my husband to get out of the office even for just a few minutes on a nice day. A change of scene, feeling the sun on his face and getting some air can only be a break well spent. Getting wrapped up in everything that’s going on in our lives, feeling like there’s always something else to be done, or somewhere else to go can leave us little time to purposefully stop for a minute or two. Once we make the effort to slow down our pace, it can help both to relax and reinvigorate. It can clear all the busy thoughts in our heads and reawaken our appreciation of the here and now.

Do you find it hard to take time to slow down? If you are working, are you good about taking a breather from the office and getting outside for a break?

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A lot of my mummy friends are pregnant with baby number two at the moment. Earlier this week I saw one of them who had her second baby just two weeks ago. This was the first time I’ve seen her out with the two children and so I was glad to run into her and ask her how it’s all going. The little one was tucked away asleep in the pram so I didn’t get a good look and am going to visit her at home tomorrow.

I decided to make some food to take over for my friend. I’m making a lasagne for her and husband to have for dinner one night and will bake some cake in the morning to take to her too. I remember how hard it is, those first few weeks especially, when you are trying to throw some dinner together after an exhausting day and usually around the time the baby gets particularly fussy too. Parenting magazines and books recommend you cooking and freezing food for dinners before the baby arrives but let’s face it, not all of us are that well organised and even if we are, those supplies will soon run out.

The same magazines and books tell you not to worry about looking after visitors when they come to see the baby. If they offer to make you a cup of tea, do some of your ironing and if they bring you food, accept all this great help! That’s what I remember reading but it’s definitely not what happened when our friends came to visit! Maybe that’s because not many of our friends here in London have children. Our family certainly helped out with meals, washing and lots of other household chores during their visits.

The ideas themselves are good though and as a mother now, I have a greater appreciation for these types of gestures and how helpful they really are for tired, fraught parents. Here are six suggestions for ways to help out a new mum (or dad!):

1. Look after them in their own home when you visit. Make them a cup of tea and bring some biscuits or cake to have with it and as a treat for the mum. Generally try to avoid them waiting on you in any way.
2. Offer to watch the baby for an hour or two. Even a short break can be wonderful for a new mum so they can have a lie-down or enjoy a long soak in the bath.
3. Bring food. It’s one less thing for them to think about. It could be a meal or a box of delicious, healthy foods you know they’ll enjoy. A friend of ours once emailed a bunch of friends suggesting we all made a contribution to some take-aways or other meals for some new parents (friends of ours) whose twins were in hospital for a long time and who were consequently having a tough start to parenthood. As they lived in a different country to us, this meant we could help out in a small way.
4. Offer to help with domestic chores. Can you put on some washing for them, fold some clothes that are dry, do some washing-up or load the dishwasher?
5. Encourage a bit of relaxation. Bring some magazines or a movie over for a bit of light entertainment while the baby is sleeping. I got a lot of reading done whilst breastfeeding for the first couple of months and it felt like a real treat for my husband and I to watch an hour or so of a movie in an evening whilst our son was asleep.
6. Be there for them. On the end of the phone or in person, let them know you’ll do what you can to help in any way. Maybe they want some company on their first outing with the new baby or for you to pick up some nappies for them so they don’t have to leave the house. Having someone to turn to in their hour of need is invaluable.

The same things apply to anyone with a new baby, whether they themselves are a new mum or whether it’s their third or fourth child. Those same needs are there and more experience with babies doesn’t mean the parent can’t benefit from a helping hand – maybe they need it all the more!

Do you have other ideas to add to the list? Were there things that your friends did when you first had your baby that really helped? In retrospect, can you think of things you wish people had done to help you out?

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I loved reading this list of 19 tips from 200 years ago for cheering yourself up over at The Happiness Project recently. I’ve chosen a few from the list that I like and that work for me:

• Be as busy as you can.
• See as much as you can of those friends who respect and like you.
• Compare your lot with that of other people.
• Be as much as you can in the open air without fatigue.
• Make the room where you commonly sit gay and pleasant.

I had some upsetting news recently and was feeling pretty sad and definitely needed cheering up. When I look at the tips I’ve listed above, I can honestly say those were all things that helped me through a tough couple of days.

Keeping busy makes the time pass faster and gives you less time to think and get upset. Seeing friends is a great distraction and mood booster. Realising and thinking about your own sad situation in comparison with others you know who’ve suffered much worse, makes you feel thankful and more fortunate than you felt at first. Being out in the open air is invigorating and helps clear your head of sad thoughts and makes you aware of other things around you. The last point, of making your surroundings at home pleasant is important too. If you are sitting with a cup in a tea in a tidy living room with some of your favourite music playing, you’re going to feel a lot better than if those surroundings were in complete disarray.

One thing I’d have to add to the list: have lots of hugs. That always helps cheer me up!

Have a look at the full list and let me know which you like the best. What do you find works best for you when you need to be cheered up?

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A friend of mine recently heard an interview with Mayim Bialik, an American actress who is now also a spokesperson for the Holistic Moms Network, a group for parents focused on holistic, green living. One of the subjects touched on in the interview was that of ‘Elimination Communication’. For those of you unsure of this term (as I was), it’s essentially a form of toilet-training that involves none or minimal use of nappies. The parent has to tune into the signals their child gives when needing the toilet. Mayim had her second son trained by 11 months.

At first thought it sounds a bit crazy and extremely messy! However when you think of more primitive societies elsewhere in the world who don’t have access or need for all the stuff we use with our babies and children, they obviously get by just fine and probably use a similar technique of looking for indications from the child. Same goes for when you think about many years ago before nappies were first used (back in the 1590s).

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that whatever you may think about the idea itself, it certainly gives the parent a strong incentive to develop a particular awareness of their child’s toilet habits. With the reliance we have on nappies, the ease and convenience that they provide, we don’t have the same incentive to toilet train our children. Often it’s a case of needing to potty train because a nursery or school requires it or because your child reaches an age where it’s normal to start the process.

Whilst it’s not something I feel I’d be brave enough to tackle, I think it’s a very interesting approach to toilet training. It encourages parents to trust and follow their instincts and to develop great awareness of their children. I definitely have admiration for those mothers like Mayim Bialik who have used Elimination Communication successfully for their babies. For me, this was something I hadn’t even heard of before my friend related the interview she’d heard, but maybe that’s just me! It obviously compliments the same philosophy behind attachment parenting, with a focus on a mother demonstrating sensitivity to her child’s needs.

If you want to find out more, have a look at these websites here and here.

Had you heard of Elimination Communication? What are your thoughts about the approach? Can you imagine using very few nappies with your baby or none at all?

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