Mummy Zen

I attended a baby and child first aid course at the weekend. It was one of those things I had been meaning to do for a while so I was glad to finally do it! It was certainly helpful and I came away feeling a bit more prepared to deal with any unpleasant eventualities, should they occur. I expect many of you have also done a similar course but I thought it might be helpful to share a few things I learned or was told, that you might find useful. The instructor we had works at a big London hospital and had some anecdotal information from working there that was interesting to hear too.

• Most burns on children that they deal with at her hospital are caused by hot coffee or tea spillages. Whilst our skin can take the heat, theirs is that much more delicate that it can cause a more severe burn. She mentioned the coffee we all buy in coffee shops that’s usually too hot to drink at first – that’s what we need to look out for!

• With head injuries, it’s usually a good sign if the child cries out after hitting their head. This was good to hear, as it seems once children start walking, they have so many falls and bangs to the head you are never sure when to be worried.

• If a child is choking, they won’t be making a noise. If you can hear them gagging or making a noise in the back of their throat, that shows that the airway is still clear. If it’s blocked by some food, they’re not able to make a noise.

• When a young child sticks something up their nose, one way to get the object out is to close the other nostril, put your mouth over theirs and give one short, sharp breath into their mouth.

• In instances where CPR is done on a child, the success rate in getting them breathing again is fairly high and a lot higher than with adults. Even if we don’t remember the exact number of breaths and chest compressions we are supposed to do, we were told that anything we do will likely help.

We all hope that we don’t have any scary situations with our children, no severe injuries or accidents but you never know what might happen and it’s good to be prepared.

What kinds of injuries have been most common with your children? Have you got any first aid tips to share?

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A friend was telling me recently how she doesn’t like her 1-year old to eat the food in restaurants because the children’s menus are always so unhealthy. I got to thinking about places I had been and the meals on their kids menus and I had to agree that they definitely tend to be quite unhealthy choices. Things like burger and chips, chicken nuggets and cheesy pasta seem common. There’s a distinct lack of nutritional fruit and vegetables in those dishes.

After parents are advised during the weaning stage to introuduce a wide variety of fruits and vegetables and to steer clear of salt and sugar in the food for their children, it’s strange to see such a different approach in restaurant food for little people. It appears they are aiming to please the fussy eater who doesn’t like their veggies, rather than appealing to the health-concious parent who wants their child to enjoy a varied, nutritious diet.

I recently met with the head chef and manager of a nice restaurant in our area. They are trying to attract a more local crowd and to strengthen links with the community. They want families to come to their restaurant and so they want to make it as family-friendly in as many ways as possible. One way they are doing that is to not provide a children’s menu. They think it’s a more flexible approach to provide food for children as per their parent’s request. If the parents want their child to have a small portion of something on the adult menu, they’ll do that. If they want something in particular for their child, be it a vegetable dish or chicken nuggets, they’ll happily accommodate. I think that’s a good way to please most people and certainly a lot less restricting than a kids menu can be.

We hear a lot about childhood obesity in the news these days and according to a study by the British Heart Foundation in 2004, 1 in 3 children is overweight or obese. It would be great if restaurants could provide healthier options for children to make eating well easier for families to do when they are eating out, as well as at home. There are lots of easy nutritious meals that are appealing to younger customers. Even those who don’t enjoy an extensive repertoire of vegetables will probably eat them if they are disguised in something like a lasagne for example.

What do you think? Do you find the choice limiting when you eat out with your children? Do you eat out rarely enough that the odd unhealthy meal here or there is not a big deal or would you prefer to see some healthier choices on the kids menu?

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A friend mentioned she was taking her son to a little girl’s second birthday this coming weekend and she was stuck on ideas of what to get her as a birthday present. As we’re both mothers to boys, we were saying how much easier it is for us to think of things to get for a boy’s second birthday but we have less of a clue what little girls of the same age are into. This made me think it could be helpful to share ideas here and hopefully get more suggestions from you!

Thinking back to my son’s first birthday, there are some gifts that were a big hit and ideal for a one-year old (boy or girl). Here are some suggestions (I’ve tried to keep to fairly inexpensive items):

FIRST BIRTHDAY GIFT IDEAS

Stack and Nest Cups – as well as stacking and nesting the cups, my son loves putting small things in the cups and tipping them from one to the other
Stacking Rings
Stacking Boxes – trust me, they love stacking toys!
LEGO DUPLO Bricks – they may be too young to build with the bricks but my son loves pulling apart the bricks when we build something for him and he also loves playing with the individual pieces of lego, putting them into cups, boxes, trucks
Sticklebricks
Building blocks
Hammer and pegs
A ball
A Noahs Ark – this works well as there are little doors to the ark to open and close, lots of different coloured animals to look at and play with, to put in and take out of the ark. My son really loves his and it can entertain him for quite a while.
Bucket and spade – not restricted to sand castles, digging around in the soil or with pebbles and putting them in the bucket can be great fun for the little ones
Push-along toys
Pull-along toys

Moving onto the second birthday, this list is more guess work than experience but I feel it’s a bit easier to know what a two-year old might enjoy than it was with a one-year old. They are able to do more creative things and are enjoying pretend play more and more.

SECOND BIRTHDAY GIFT IDEAS

Crayons
Sticker books
Colouring books
Play Doh
Toy cars
Trucks
Pots and pans
Cutting fruit set
Household toys- these types of toys allow them to mimic you and feel more grown-up
Play tent - fun to use both inside and outside
Pop-up tunnel
Train set

BOOKS

It goes without saying that books always make a great gift. Here’s a small selection that would be suitable for one and two-year olds:

Over to you! What gifts did your children receive for their first or second birthdays that you remember them really liking and getting a lot of use from? What would you recommend as a good gift for a boy or girl turning either 1 or 2?

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A lot of my mummy friends are pregnant with baby number two at the moment. Earlier this week I saw one of them who had her second baby just two weeks ago. This was the first time I’ve seen her out with the two children and so I was glad to run into her and ask her how it’s all going. The little one was tucked away asleep in the pram so I didn’t get a good look and am going to visit her at home tomorrow.

I decided to make some food to take over for my friend. I’m making a lasagne for her and husband to have for dinner one night and will bake some cake in the morning to take to her too. I remember how hard it is, those first few weeks especially, when you are trying to throw some dinner together after an exhausting day and usually around the time the baby gets particularly fussy too. Parenting magazines and books recommend you cooking and freezing food for dinners before the baby arrives but let’s face it, not all of us are that well organised and even if we are, those supplies will soon run out.

The same magazines and books tell you not to worry about looking after visitors when they come to see the baby. If they offer to make you a cup of tea, do some of your ironing and if they bring you food, accept all this great help! That’s what I remember reading but it’s definitely not what happened when our friends came to visit! Maybe that’s because not many of our friends here in London have children. Our family certainly helped out with meals, washing and lots of other household chores during their visits.

The ideas themselves are good though and as a mother now, I have a greater appreciation for these types of gestures and how helpful they really are for tired, fraught parents. Here are six suggestions for ways to help out a new mum (or dad!):

1. Look after them in their own home when you visit. Make them a cup of tea and bring some biscuits or cake to have with it and as a treat for the mum. Generally try to avoid them waiting on you in any way.
2. Offer to watch the baby for an hour or two. Even a short break can be wonderful for a new mum so they can have a lie-down or enjoy a long soak in the bath.
3. Bring food. It’s one less thing for them to think about. It could be a meal or a box of delicious, healthy foods you know they’ll enjoy. A friend of ours once emailed a bunch of friends suggesting we all made a contribution to some take-aways or other meals for some new parents (friends of ours) whose twins were in hospital for a long time and who were consequently having a tough start to parenthood. As they lived in a different country to us, this meant we could help out in a small way.
4. Offer to help with domestic chores. Can you put on some washing for them, fold some clothes that are dry, do some washing-up or load the dishwasher?
5. Encourage a bit of relaxation. Bring some magazines or a movie over for a bit of light entertainment while the baby is sleeping. I got a lot of reading done whilst breastfeeding for the first couple of months and it felt like a real treat for my husband and I to watch an hour or so of a movie in an evening whilst our son was asleep.
6. Be there for them. On the end of the phone or in person, let them know you’ll do what you can to help in any way. Maybe they want some company on their first outing with the new baby or for you to pick up some nappies for them so they don’t have to leave the house. Having someone to turn to in their hour of need is invaluable.

The same things apply to anyone with a new baby, whether they themselves are a new mum or whether it’s their third or fourth child. Those same needs are there and more experience with babies doesn’t mean the parent can’t benefit from a helping hand – maybe they need it all the more!

Do you have other ideas to add to the list? Were there things that your friends did when you first had your baby that really helped? In retrospect, can you think of things you wish people had done to help you out?

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A friend of mine recently heard an interview with Mayim Bialik, an American actress who is now also a spokesperson for the Holistic Moms Network, a group for parents focused on holistic, green living. One of the subjects touched on in the interview was that of ‘Elimination Communication’. For those of you unsure of this term (as I was), it’s essentially a form of toilet-training that involves none or minimal use of nappies. The parent has to tune into the signals their child gives when needing the toilet. Mayim had her second son trained by 11 months.

At first thought it sounds a bit crazy and extremely messy! However when you think of more primitive societies elsewhere in the world who don’t have access or need for all the stuff we use with our babies and children, they obviously get by just fine and probably use a similar technique of looking for indications from the child. Same goes for when you think about many years ago before nappies were first used (back in the 1590s).

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that whatever you may think about the idea itself, it certainly gives the parent a strong incentive to develop a particular awareness of their child’s toilet habits. With the reliance we have on nappies, the ease and convenience that they provide, we don’t have the same incentive to toilet train our children. Often it’s a case of needing to potty train because a nursery or school requires it or because your child reaches an age where it’s normal to start the process.

Whilst it’s not something I feel I’d be brave enough to tackle, I think it’s a very interesting approach to toilet training. It encourages parents to trust and follow their instincts and to develop great awareness of their children. I definitely have admiration for those mothers like Mayim Bialik who have used Elimination Communication successfully for their babies. For me, this was something I hadn’t even heard of before my friend related the interview she’d heard, but maybe that’s just me! It obviously compliments the same philosophy behind attachment parenting, with a focus on a mother demonstrating sensitivity to her child’s needs.

If you want to find out more, have a look at these websites here and here.

Had you heard of Elimination Communication? What are your thoughts about the approach? Can you imagine using very few nappies with your baby or none at all?

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I was at a playgroup yesterday and was talking to another mum whose daughter is a few months older than my son. She was telling me how difficult it is anytime she leaves somewhere to go home. Her daughter will lie on the floor, kicking and screaming and not wanting to go. Her mother had advised bribing her with chocolate biscuits so that was what she planned to try when it came to the end of the playgroup. I watched as she carried out her screaming daughter, telling her she could have a chocolate biscuit. She put her in the pushchair and gave her the promised biscuit and her daughter calmed right down and nibbled happily on it. The mum was relieved and impressed that her mother’s tip had worked. She had started to dread going anywhere because of her daughter’s tantrum when it was time to leave but now it seemed, she had a successful way to deal with it.

I had to wonder to myself whether rewarding her daughter’s screaming with a chocolate biscuit was really a successful solution. I am yet to experience a tantrum with my son but I can appreciate how stressful they can be for a parent and that every mum wants something that will fix the situation fast.

We all know tantrums are a toddler’s expression of frustration, growing independence and sometimes a demand for attention. They are a challenging side of parenting and an exercise in our own self-control and patience. From what I’ve read, the overriding pieces of advice for dealing with tantrums seem to be as follows:

• Ignore the child’s outburst as much as possible.
• Avoid yelling or making a scene and try to stay calm.
• Distract the child with something else.

Once over, the tantrum should be forgotten and a hug given to the child. Praising good behaviour and allowing your child to have choices when possible are thought to help towards minimising the number of tantrums.

Sometimes it will be simply tiredness or hunger that cause a tantrum. Hunger should be easily dealt with if you carry snacks and a drink with you when you are out and ensure your child’s been fed before a supermarket trip or other visit where you want to avoid a melt-down. Tiredness can be harder to control if you’re doing something out of their usual routine, like travelling or attending a wedding for example. We all have those days when our children refuse to take a nap and sometimes there’s just nothing you can do!

There are no easy answers for dealing with trying toddlers. The best thing we can do as parents is to try to be calm around them, identify what might have caused a tantrum so we can address it if it’s related to food, tiredness or them needing help with a task and remember that it is after all a stage in their development and won’t last!

How do you deal with toddler tantrums? Do you have any advice to share to other mums?

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When our son was first born, one piece of advice from a member of the extended family was to start reading to him immediately. She thought it helped them get used to being read to before they are at an age where they can fidget and move away. Both my husband and I are quite keen readers anyway, but we took her advice and started reading to our son early on. When he was  too tiny to stay awake long or notice the book properly, we would just read our own books aloud to him for a little while. As he got a bit older, we started reading children’s books to him and as with most parents, a story before bed is part of his bedtime routine. Now at age one and a bit, he loves books and being read to. He’ll sit quietly on your lap and help turn the pages. He loves books with flaps to lift too.

I just added a few children’s books to my Library page on here. Interestingly, none of them are books I had in my own childhood but they are all enjoyed by our son and we like reading them too! I do however have memories of my parents reading books to me regularly and I grew up loving to read. Two books stick out in my memory in particular. One is a large flower fairy book that was probably between two and three feet high and used to be my mother’s. It was thirty or so years old when I was a child and a bit fragile, beautifully illustrated and unique for being so big a book. The other, is Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats by T. S. Eliot, a collection of humorous cat poems that my dad used to enjoy reading to me.

There’s something wonderful about getting wrapped up in a story and as a parent, watching little eyes engage with the pictures and later, with the story itself. With TV, computers and living in an age of digital media, I think it’s nice to encourage an appreciation of books with our little ones and there are some great books out there for all ages to make the task easier.

What are your favourite children’s books? Do they tend to be ones you remember from your own childhood or do you go on recommendations from other parent friends? Do you read to your children before bed? If you have older children, how have their reading habits developed?

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“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one”.

Leo J. Burke

We’re back after a great week away. The 10 hour flight (18 hour total journey time) to the middle of Colorado went well and we were again impressed by the travel resilience of our one-year old. The return flight, as is usual when flying from the US back to the UK, was overnight and crossed a 7 hour time zone difference. My husband and I had been pretty confident that this return leg of the journey would be a breeze because our son would sleep the whole way. How wrong we were! Probably due to the fact he’d only had a 25 minute nap that day, he was overtired and we had a complete melt-down, something we’ve never experienced before with our generally chilled-out little guy. Anyway, we all survived but were exhausted and sleep-starved by the time we were back home mid-morning. We all had a good two-hour nap after lunch and then that night we had the luxury of a 12-hour night’s sleep (just over 14 hours for our son)! That was the best night’s sleep I have had in a long time and did us all the world of good.

It made me think back to those first couple of months of motherhood when a regular night’s sleep isn’t even an option. No matter how tired you are, there’s just never that opportunity to have an extra-long sleep to catch up. Even napping when they nap, as everyone righty advises, doesn’t help that much and is more difficult than it sounds.

Chris Lopez, dad to four girls, writes a blog for busy dads to help them keep a healthy active lifestyle. He wrote a post towards the end of last year, listing his tips for managing your energy levels during the tough time of sleepless nights. Whilst his site is aimed at dads, his tips apply to anyone and I think he has some good advice for anyone struggling to keep going on little sleep. His six tips are as follows:

1. Stay on Schedule (even though every ounce of your being is telling you not to)
2. Drink lots of water
3. The 20-minute nap
4. Avoid sugary foods
5. Caffeine management
6. Get outside

I have to agree with all of these but especially drinking lots of water and getting outside. Keeping hydrated is really important when your body’s deprived of something (sleep in this case). Going out for some fresh air is something I feel like I’m always going on about but it simply makes you feel much better, both physically and mentally.

For any new mums or mums to children who still have sleep issues, these are helpful suggestions to hold you over until the stage when you can go back to enjoying a full uninterrupted night’s sleep. It feels like you’ll never get back to that stage but you will! I don’t think you ever appreciate sleep as much as when you are a parent, it’s a real luxury to me these days!

Do you have any other tips to add for surviving on very little sleep?

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Having a baby can be expensive. Some sources estimate the cost to be between £3,000 and £4,000 during the first year. In addition, having a baby often raises your awareness about ‘green issues’. Suddenly you realise you need to keep the planet safe and healthy for your precious children. But what about green goods – they seem so expensive don’t they? Solar panels, hybrid cars, organic food – it all costs so much. I have some tips to help you go green AND save money! Read on for how to raise a baby the green and frugal way…..

(1) Breastfeed
Only 1-3% of women truly can’t nurse. So breastfeed your baby for as long as possible; it’s healthy, free, plus there is no landfill waste!
Money wise, using formula feed means you need to buy formula, bottles, teats and some way to sterilise your equipment. Breastfeeding costs nothing, means you don’t have to carry anything around with you, provides all the nutrients your baby needs and doesn’t produce any waste!

(2) Nappies
The cost of using disposable nappies for 2 1/2 years is around £800 to £1000
According to Plush pants , using washable nappies rather than disposables can save you money, even taking into account the cost of using your washing machine and tumble drier. The savings will increase if you have another child and reuse the same nappies!
In addition, disposable nappies take hundreds of years to decompose. Put another way, if King Henry VIII had worn disposables, they would still be in a landfill now.
To avoid making a costly mistake, take advise from the Nappy Lady – you’ll find exactly the right nappies for you and your baby

(3) Weaning
Give your baby the best start in life by making your own food. You don’t need shop bought baby food which is expensive and creates waste, just blend a little of the food you are eating yourself. This means your baby can really take part in family meals and enjoy a wide range of foods, tastes and textures.
If you’re pushed for time, store puréed baby food in ice cube trays in the freezer and take out the amount you need – it’s still ‘convenient’ but healthier, greener and doesn’t create packaging waste.

(4) Buy secondhand
Forget ideas of grubby babygrows from a charity shop – there are some great bargains to be found!
Try a local NCT nearly new sale for everything from toys to clothes to baby equipment.
Try Freecycle, eBay or local sales for goods. Friends will be begging you to take things off their hands and you can feel smug that you’re saving money and not using up precious resources to make new items for your baby.

(5) Green clean
Recent studies show that some of these antibacterial wipes, sprays and lotions are doing us no good at all. In fact, babies and children NEED to be exposed to a bit of dirt and some germs in order to strengthen their immune system. In addition, the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) say that some pollutants are 2 to 5 times higher inside homes than outside.
Ditch the toxic chemicals and do a little kitchen chemistry:

• Bicarbonate of soda is a brilliant all purpose cleaner – use it on sinks, taps and the bath to bring a shine and sparkle.
• Mix 50/50 white vinegar and water in a spray bottle to get rid of limescale and keep your glass and mirrors smear free.
• Add 5 drops each of pure lavender essential oil, tea tree essential oil and lemon essential oil to a full plant mister of water. This is a safe and effective antibacterial spray for using on highchairs, light switches, the toilet flush and even safe enough to spray onto your baby’s hands!

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When I was pregnant with my son, I had only two good friends with babies and neither lived in the same city as me. One doesn’t even live in the same country. My husband and I moved to a more family-friendly part of London a month before my son was born. I knew there were lots of other mums with babies nearby and everyone had told me it’s easy to make friends when you have a baby but I found it hard to think how I’d meet people that I really liked and anyway, did I really need new friends to talk baby stuff with?

After the first couple of weeks and once my husband had gone back to work, I found myself missing work and adult interaction. I would bombard my husband with questions and conversation in the evenings because I hadn’t really spoken to anyone all day! I realised I definitely needed to get out to some groups and activities for some adult conversation.

My first outing to an organised class with baby was when he was 8 weeks old. I went to a post-natal yoga class and at the end, the teacher brought out tea and biscuits so we could sit around and chat. I couldn’t put my finger on it but there was something really nice about being with some other women who had little babies just like me and had been through a similar sleep-starved first couple of months.

I joined a local mums group and went along to a coffee meet-up one morning. It was a simple gathering of 8-10 mums sat around a table in a cafe, getting to know one another. It sounds cliché but we shared stories of our births and struggles with feeding and sleeping. There were a few women I met there who seemed very down-to-earth and fun and we’ve gone on to become good friends. One has since moved away from the area but we still keep in touch and make visits to see one another. With mummy friends, it’s not just that you have a baby in common, I think it’s more the sharing of experiences as your little one grows and you both go through different stages. Your mummy friends know exactly what you mean and what you’ve gone through so you don’t need to give any explanations as you do with friends who don’t have babies.

As the babies grow, they play together and you get some decent conversation and company at the same time. Contrary to what one might think, it’s definitely not all baby talk but at the same time, it’s ok if it is.

The local mums group I belong to was set up a couple of years ago by an American woman who having moved to the area, realised there were no organised groups of any kind and so decided to set up her own. The group now has 300 members, mums with children from ages 0 to 5. There’s a website with details of activities going on in the surrounding area, school information and listings of our meet-ups and events. There’s a weekly e-newsletter that gets sent out to all the members, informing everyone of what’s going on that week. We organise a big summer picnic in the local park, Halloween and Christmas parties and do things like movie nights and pub nights. It’s a great community feel, belonging to a group like this.

Mothers hear about the group mostly by word-of-mouth. The doctor’s surgery seems to be a prime place for striking up conversations with other mothers who are sitting in the waiting room with their children. The playground in the park or the singing sessions at the local library are also often places where mothers get talking and someone who belongs to the group suggests to another mum that she might like to join.

If you’re a new mum looking to find some mummy friends in your area, check what’s on in your neighbourhood. Local libraries, council-run children’s centres and parks are all good places to start. You’ll probably find other mums smile at you as you walk down the street and even if you’re the shy type, striking up a conversation with another mum at the doctor’s surgery, in a coffee shop or wherever will probably prove to be easier than you thought. For some reassurance, here’s an article talking about how a woman’s social life improves after they’ve given birth!

Do you have a close network of mummy friends? How did you meet them and what do they mean to you?

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