Mummy Zen

My American husband and I went with a couple of friends to a local pub to watch the England v USA World Cup match on Saturday evening. Whilst the match itself was not especially impressive, we had a great time and the atmosphere was fun. Incidentally, when my husband and I first met in France, we spent many early mornings watching the 2002 World Cup games in South Korea and Japan with our friends at various bars in Nice. The World Cup has always been associated with good times in our relationship.

I’m not usually much of a sports fan at all, whether it’s watching football or something else but when it comes to the World Cup, it seems different somehow and I love it! I think it plays a great part in uniting a country for the month it lasts. People get a sense of patriotism they never normally have and share a common desire with all kinds of people around them who they might not normally have anything in common with.

When we were watching the match in the pub last weekend, people standing around us were friendly, light-hearted and chatting to us. That would rarely happen on just a regular trip to the pub. I think the World Cup brings a real optimisim and happy atmosphere to communities large and small. It’s helped by the fact that the World Cup happens during summer time when people generally tend to be cheerier than they are in the winter (at least in London that’s the case). It brings together friends, happy crowds and gives people something to be excited about. It encourages camaraderie, warmth and unity amongst nations.

In my mind, the World Cup is not just about the football, it’s not just about the winning but it’s also about bringing people together and sharing the elation of great goals, the sadness when your team gets knocked out and all the rest along the way. It’s about team spirit and sharing emotions.

Is it just me or do you also think the World Cup has a certain sense of wonder about it?!

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I enjoyed reading a post over at The Simple Dollar recently, called Nine Things I Do to Make Each Day Great. I thought I’d do my own similar version. Mine is more about getting the day off to a good start, which doesn’t guarantee a great day but at least means I start off as I mean to go on.

Here are 5 things that are important to me for beginning my day:

Shower before my husband leaves for work. Gone are the days when I could shower during my son’s morning nap so I jump in the shower after my husband and whilst my son is still sleeping. It wakes me up more than anything!

Breakfast. I’m one of these people who believes breakfast is an important meal of the day and I get grumpy if I don’t eat something by a certain point in the morning. I either eat just with my son or all three of us eat together if my husband hasn’t had to leave for work already.

Exercise. Generally 3 mornings a week, I go out to exercise and it makes me feel great and invigorated for the rest of the day. Two of those mornings, I go to BuggyFit (yes really, I still do that!). The third morning is usually a Saturday and we go as a family to the park. My husband and I take it turns to go for a run whilst the other one plays with our son.

Go for a walk. Especially if I’m not exercising, I still like to get out for a walk and enjoy some fresh air. I love to go out early while it’s still quiet and before lots of other people are out and about. My son enjoys it too!

Quick tidy-up. I always do a tidy-up before bed but usually in the morning there are few extra bits to do. Things like breakfast pots to wash or put in the dishwasher, maybe some washing that’s dried overnight and needs folding and putting away or a new load needs to go on. I like to get these little jobs done out of the way and before going out anywhere.

What are the kinds of things you like to do as part of your morning routine for a good start to your day?

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There are lots of organic baby bath products, lotions, nappy creams etc and they are a popular choice with parents nowadays. I know lots of mothers choose those products becuase there comes a certain reassurance with them that what they are putting onto their baby’s delicate skin is safe and doesn’t contain any questionable ingredients. What about mummy’s skin though? Are you as careful with your choice of products for your own body?

A few years ago, I got a forwarded email about the danger of lead in lipstick. The email linked to a site called the Cosmetic Safety Database where you can look up a product and see its rating in terms of the safety level of its ingredients. I started looking up some of the beauty products I regularly used and was concerned by some of the ratings. From that point, I started looking more at organic beauty products and began trying out natural/organic alternatives, especially for things I use daily like moisturiser, shower gel and body lotion.

Whilst in some cases, research is inconclusive as to the potential risks and dangers some ingredients pose, the fact that they are at all questionable is some concern in my view. These are some of the ingredients commonly found in everyday beauty products that you might want to look out for and possibly avoid:

• Sodium lauryl sulfate
• Sodium laureth sulphate
• Aluminium
• Lead
• Mercury
• Mineral Oils
• Parabens
• Petroleum derivatives

These types of synthetic chemicals, some toxic, some carcinogenic, should definitely be ringing alarm bells if you consider that our bodies absorb around 50-60% of what they come into contact with. If you think about all the things you rub, smear and apply to your face and body each day and then check the ingredients of those products, it can be a bit of a scare. No need for a drastic re-stocking of your beauty cabinet but maybe you want to start replacing a couple of your heavily-used products with more natural substitutes.

Whilst I use organic products on my body and for the moisturiser on my face, I still use regular make-up and know that I could be using safer alternatives. Skincare products are a personal choice and it’s a matter of trying a few different options until you find something you like using and that seems to suit your skin. For this reason it can be better to make the switch to organic products as a gradual process.

In the past couple of years, the market for natural, organic beauty products has increased and become more mainstream. The result being that there is a much wider choice of products available and at more affordable prices too. Two of my favourite on-line shops for organic beauty products are So Organic and Content (both have London-based stores too). They sell everything from bath and hair products to make-up, making it easy to be a yummy mummy the safe way.

What are your thoughts? How conscious are you of your beauty products and their ingredients? If you already use some organic products, what brands or particular products do you like?

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This is a guest post by Allison Evans, Hypnotherapist specialising in HypnoBirthing and HypnoBirthing Fertility Therapy.

If you’re reading a blog called “Mummy Zen,” you’re probably aware of the concept of mindfulness:  that is, bringing your full awareness to the present moment.  There is something about raising a child that seems to invite mindfulness.  You can’t help but notice how in-the-moment children are, how they delight in the smallest details, and you delight in their joy, too.  There’s also an undeniable pull out of the present moment, as we must think and plan for the future – “What do I need to pack for our outing?”  And as we reflect on past missteps – “How could I have forgotten the sun cream?”  This is just part of being human, especially when you are responsible to others!  But if you ever find yourself feeling disconnected, vaguely dissatisfied, quick to anger and wondering where your sense of humor has gone, mindfulness may be what you need.

A few years ago, when my children were four and two, that’s exactly where I was.  Fortunately for me, a friend introduced me to a wise Naturopathic Doctor.  Her simple suggestions turned my life around, and I have shared them – and some discoveries of my own – to many others to positive effect.   Here they are:

1.  Breathe. Deeply.  Every day.  Breath is foundational to the HypnoBirthing method that I teach.  Deep breathing actually short-circuits the body’s stress response, and helps to keep a mother in labour – or anyone – calm and in control, no matter the circumstances.  I now recommend that mothers continue their breathing exercises after their babies are born:  5-10 minutes of slow, deep breathing through the nose, two times per day, and in moments of stress.  Focus on the breath, allow it to be all you do for those 5-10 minutes, allow it to nourish you and be grateful for the simple miracle of breath!

2.  Mono-task. Yes, I mean stop all the multi-tasking!  Start by picking one routine task where your mind has a tendency to wander or that you might do while also talking on the phone.  For example, as you do the washing up, focus on each of your senses:  feel the warmth of the water, notice the flex of your arm muscles as you handle the dish, smell the fragrance of the dish soap, listen to the sound of the running water.  Avoid the tendency to mentally prepare yourself for your next task.  Focus on this one, menial chore and smile.  Smiling reinforces good feelings, similar to deep breathing.

3.  Allow yourself to be interrupted by your child at least once per day. How often has your child heard, “Just a minute, honey”?  As convenient as that phrase is, it does send a message to your child that the laundry is more important than she is.  Is it?  That’s mindfulness, too:  not just reacting, but taking the time to respond consciously.  If what you are doing is, in fact, time-critical, pause to hear her out.  Make eye-contact with her as you listen to what she needs, then give her a realistic time frame for when you can attend to her.  Similar to responding to your baby’s cries, this attention, even when it’s inconvenient, encourages her trust in you and the world.

4. Make a date with your child. Take a moment to think back over the last month.  What makes you smile to remember it?  Was it how clean your bathroom was?  A television programme?  More likely it was something your child did or said!  Schedule time each day to be present for such moments.

5.  Make a date with yourself. Make yourself a priority, just as you have made your child.  Get up earlier than your child so you can enjoy an hour or so of the prime morning time all to yourself.  If your child is a very early riser and that isn’t practical, use the child’s nap time to do something that restores you, such as meditating, reading a book, or corresponding with a friend.  Resist the urge to “get something done.”   It can wait.

These mindfulness exercises will ground you in your life and bring you a real sense of peace.  Enjoy!

I invite you to practice these mindfulness techniques and please share your own with us.  Let us know what happens!

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My son started walking a few weeks ago. He’d taken his time with it, even though he’d been cruising throughout the house for months, he needed to get a bit more confidence for walking ‘hands-free’. What started with walking from one side of our living room to the other soon progressed to walking all over, in and out of any room he liked and then outside. It was exciting for us to see him walk and he looked so pleased with himself too!

This week, we’ve been getting plenty of practice in. We’ve walked to our local shops, just around the corner from where we live and on a quiet road. We’ve walked in the park too, on the path and also in the playground. It’s still quite new to him so he walks very slowly and it gives a whole new meaning to a leisurely stroll. He looks up at anyone we pass and gives them a big smile. I get ever so slightly annoyed if the person doesn’t look at him and misses out on his sweet smile! Strangers stop and talk to us, usually other parents or grandparents, and this brings out even bigger smiles from my son. He slows down to look at pebbles in a driveway or a particular stone in a wall and everything is so new and fascinating for him.

Maybe you’ll tell me the novelty will soon wear off, but I have been enjoying our slow walks. I’m naturally quite a brisk walker so it feels funny to be taking steps at such a slower pace. The way I look at it, is that I have the time to take my time. I’m not rushing off anywhere, I don’t have to be at a certain place for a certain time. Whilst the pebbles in a driveway may not have the same fascination for me as they do my son, I am taking in other things that I’d otherwise not be looking at or noticing if I was walking at my usual speed. I’m taking in all the beautiful blossom on the trees and seeing so many more trees than I’d previously been aware of. I’m doing more people watching than I ordinarily get to do and being more conscious of the warm sun on my face or a slight breeze in the air. It’s really quite enjoyable and relaxing.

When I think back to when I was working, (pre-baby) such a slow pace in my life didn’t exist. I was always rushing somewhere, or hurriedly getting work done to meet tight deadlines, cramming in the gym after work, meeting friends in an evening, going out…..Even though I got to walk through a lovely London park to get to and from work each day, it was never leisurely, always a means to get from A to B. Walking in busy central London during rush hour with all those other people, pushing and shoving as everyone’s wanting to get somewhere fast is a horrible thought to me now.

Not that my life has now turned into one long slow stroll and I never have to rush to get things done, but I’m realising that taking a bit of time to consciously slow down can be beneficial. I always urge my husband to get out of the office even for just a few minutes on a nice day. A change of scene, feeling the sun on his face and getting some air can only be a break well spent. Getting wrapped up in everything that’s going on in our lives, feeling like there’s always something else to be done, or somewhere else to go can leave us little time to purposefully stop for a minute or two. Once we make the effort to slow down our pace, it can help both to relax and reinvigorate. It can clear all the busy thoughts in our heads and reawaken our appreciation of the here and now.

Do you find it hard to take time to slow down? If you are working, are you good about taking a breather from the office and getting outside for a break?

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I loved reading this list of 19 tips from 200 years ago for cheering yourself up over at The Happiness Project recently. I’ve chosen a few from the list that I like and that work for me:

• Be as busy as you can.
• See as much as you can of those friends who respect and like you.
• Compare your lot with that of other people.
• Be as much as you can in the open air without fatigue.
• Make the room where you commonly sit gay and pleasant.

I had some upsetting news recently and was feeling pretty sad and definitely needed cheering up. When I look at the tips I’ve listed above, I can honestly say those were all things that helped me through a tough couple of days.

Keeping busy makes the time pass faster and gives you less time to think and get upset. Seeing friends is a great distraction and mood booster. Realising and thinking about your own sad situation in comparison with others you know who’ve suffered much worse, makes you feel thankful and more fortunate than you felt at first. Being out in the open air is invigorating and helps clear your head of sad thoughts and makes you aware of other things around you. The last point, of making your surroundings at home pleasant is important too. If you are sitting with a cup in a tea in a tidy living room with some of your favourite music playing, you’re going to feel a lot better than if those surroundings were in complete disarray.

One thing I’d have to add to the list: have lots of hugs. That always helps cheer me up!

Have a look at the full list and let me know which you like the best. What do you find works best for you when you need to be cheered up?

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A few months ago I came across the Secret Society of Happy People. They have a blog and a recent post talked about ‘Taken for Granted Happiness‘. It’s a short post with a simple message but I thought it was a good one to think about. It reminds us that as much as we might be dealing with ‘chaos’ in our lives; in the form of jobs we don’t enjoy, people who rub us up the wrong way, sad things that occur to us and our loved ones and other challenging situations….amidst all of that are lots of happy moments we take for granted and don’t stop to think about. The article suggests if we counted all these taken for granted happy moments in any given day, they are likely to far outweigh the chaotic ones.

So what kind of pleasant experiences are we taking for granted? The post suggests the following:

breathing, walking, running, thinking new thoughts, laughing, seeing a sunrise and the full moon, hearing words, songs, and birds chirping, the feel of a hot shower or hug, feeling–even when the feelings aren’t so happy, and especially when they are happy.

These might seem pretty basic but not when you imagine what it must be like not to experience any of those things listed. I’m sure we can all think of lots more examples. I know my husband’s very good at pointing out the bright side of things to me any time I’m having a bit of a moan or a mope about my day! Once you do focus on the easily forgotten happy moments, you often start to realise how good you’ve really got it.

Today’s been a bit of a tiring day for me. My son has hand, foot and mouth disease (such a nasty-sounding name for a fairly harmless virus) and is naturally feeling miserable. Unfortunately, that makes the day a little harder for me. He’s not interested in playing. He cries lots and the only way to placate him is to go out for a long walk or read to him. Whilst both those things are pleasant activities, at some point, it would be nice to sit for a few minutes out of the day and have a quiet cup of tea or be able to prepare my son’s lunch without constant loud crying. His naps are all messed up and brief at the best of times, which means I haven’t had a moment to do anything around the house. I feel like everywhere’s a mess and needs a good clean but I feel ready for bed and all out of energy by the time my son goes to bed.

However, if I stop to think about the happy moments in the day that I’ve taken for granted, I realise there’s not much to really moan about after all. I got outside a lot and so was able to enjoy the sun on my face, see the trees and flowers in bloom, watch lots of happy children running around in the park, had a nice chat with my mum….and despite all the general upset, I did get a few sweet smiles from my son and even managed to get a laugh out of him a couple of times.

Next time you’ve had a tough day or are feeling like you’re dealing with a particular kind of chaos in your life, try to take a minute to think back on some happy moments you’ve taken for granted during the day. I’m not suggesting it will melt away any anxiety, stress or upset, but I do think it’s a good exercise to get things into perspective and to remind ourselves of those little things we have to smile about. What happy moments can you think of from today that you’ve taken for granted?

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Artist and musician Scott Hansen had the great idea to ask 25 artists and creators, “What do you do to inspire your creativity when you find yourself in a rut?” Their answers provided some fascinating insight and tips. I’ve chosen some of them to share with you below.

Whilst the people at whom the question was posed are all creative professionals, creativity is something we all deal with. As busy mums, we try to provide creative play for our children, be creative in the kitchen, creative at work and in our minds, some of us do creative art and craft activities and others are creative outdoors; growing plants, vegetables and trying to be more self-sufficient and respectful of the environment.

New ideas and bursts of inspiration are invigorating, fun to put into practice and sometimes challenging. However, most of us at some point find ourselves slipping into easy habits and as time goes on, feel stuck in a rut. That’s where these suggestions come in handy! Here are some of my favourites from Scott Hansen’s list and my interpretations of how they can work for mums:

• I tend to say yes to more than I can do, and the fear of failure keeps the work flowing. Keeping busy and saying yes to activities, invites, visits etc can lead to some good ideas of things to try at home or with friends and family, as well as often being fun. Keeping busy also means less time to drift and feel unmotivated.

• Lots of reading and lots of sketching. Sketching might not be for everyone but even if you’re not artistic, it’s a good way to distract your mind and focus on something very different to the everyday. Reading keeps your mind stimulated, and depending on your choice of reading matter, can be instructive and inspirational. It’s also a nice relaxing alternative to slumping in front of the TV in an evening!

• I try to take some time off if I feel a lack of inspiration. Time off can be as simple as an afternoon or a couple of hours to yourself while someone else looks after the children. Being removed from the day-to-day humdrum is an effective way to revive yourself in all aspects.

• I find it from a combination of sources; experimental music, mid century design/cinema, nature/wildlife, etc. To achieve full creative potential I must sit in the woods, watch Mad Men, and listen to Boards of Canada simultaneously. Getting out in nature, even if it’s just your local park is a great way to clear the head. Enjoyable distractions are a necessary part of escaping the daily grind to help you relax and open your mind again.

• Clean my surroundings. I cannot think clearly when there’s a mess around me. I can’t cook in a messy kitchen and I’m sure crafty types can’t create on a desk piled with papers and rubbish. A clean slate is always a good start.

• Diversify your interests. It’s easy to get locked in our comfort zone of doing the things we are used to doing and regularly enjoy. For whatever reason, many of us tend to stop trying new things but it’s a great way to broaden our interests, meet new people and feel excited about something new.

• What always works the best for me is talking with my friends. They always have some new way of looking at problems that I never would have thought of, or a cool bit of inspiring artwork to show me, or just some words of encouragement that will get me moving again! I too find it helpful to talk with friends. Sharing ideas and getting their input can often be invaluable.

Do you use any of these suggestions when you feel in a bit of a rut? Are there other things you do in an effort to inspire your creativity? If you’re a fellow-mummy blogger, how do you deal with writer’s block?

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As a regular reader of Gretchen Rubin’s inspirational blog The Happiness Project, I couldn’t wait to read her book which was published at the end of last year.  It finally arrived a couple of weeks ago and I just finished reading it. It was a great read and one I think many of you would also enjoy.

The book details her year-long pursuit of seeking to increase her personal sense of happiness through focusing on different areas of her life and following a set of resolutions.  She read a lot on the philosophy of happiness and her resolutions involved a variety of techniques based on what she felt might be worth trying. It’s a very engaging read and the strategies Gretchen employs are things that we can all try out ourselves.

These are the subject areas Gretchen chose to focus on for the project (one for each month of the year, with December as the final month to try all of them at the same time!):

• Vitality (Boosting energy)
• Marriage
• Work
• Parenthood
• Leisure
• Friendship
• Money
• Eternity
• Passion (Pursuing a passion)
• Mindfullness
• Attitude

There were many helpful and insightful resolutions in the book but I’ll highlight three in this post, each from a different subject area:

Vitality (boost energy)

Going to sleep earlier: Only the other night my husband said to me, ‘Every morning I tell myself that I will go to bed earlier, but every evening I stay up late finishing something and then in the morning I regret it!’. This is a great correlation to Gretchen’s task of going to bed as soon as she felt sleepy. Many of us mums can relate to her point that evenings are valuable to us because the children are in bed, our partner is home, we have some free time….all these things make it hard for us to go to bed. We stay up watching TV, reading, browsing the internet, sending emails and go to bed later than we intend. Yet, as her resolution proved to her, Gretchen felt the benefits of getting a full eight hours sleep at night. More sleep really does equate to more energy.

Parenthood

Acknowledge the reality of people’s feelings: This might not sound like something concerning parenting but Gretchen discovered the importance of acknowledging her children’s feelings. She realised that she frequently said things to her children like, “You can’t possibly want more Legos, you never play with the ones you have” or “You’re not hungry, you just ate”. When she instead repeated her child’s assertions back to them, it was surprisingly effective as a means to diffuse their frustration. Instead of saying “Don’t whine, you love to take a bath!”, she said, “You’re having fun playing. You don’t want to take a bath now, even though it’s time”. Gretchen wondered if they felt reassured that their thoughts had been recognised and acknowledged, instead of feeling like they were being ignored. In addition to this technique, Gretchen lists five other ways to acknowledge her children’s feelings that she tried out. In all cases, Gretchen demonstrates that responding in a caring way rather than jumping to be dismissive of something your child says works best for both parent and child.

Attitude

Give positive reviews: Gretchen’s aim here was to tone down her critical side and to show more warmth and enthusiasm towards others. Finding the positive side to a situation isn’t always easy but it makes a big difference on those around you. Gretchen gave one example of going to see a movie with her husband and when her mother-in-law asked her about it afterwards, she resisted the urge to say, “Well, not bad” and instead told her, “It was such a treat to go see a movie in the afternoon”. Being surrounded by happy, positive, cheery people usually tends to reflect back on us, making us feel the same way. We can all probably aspire to be a bit less critical in our interactions with others. Whilst it’s a lot easier to snap at someone, trying to override that inclination and saying something positive will make you and those around you feel happier.

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Have any of you read the book or plan on doing so? Are there any areas of your life that you think could benefit from a resolution or two?

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“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one”.

Leo J. Burke

We’re back after a great week away. The 10 hour flight (18 hour total journey time) to the middle of Colorado went well and we were again impressed by the travel resilience of our one-year old. The return flight, as is usual when flying from the US back to the UK, was overnight and crossed a 7 hour time zone difference. My husband and I had been pretty confident that this return leg of the journey would be a breeze because our son would sleep the whole way. How wrong we were! Probably due to the fact he’d only had a 25 minute nap that day, he was overtired and we had a complete melt-down, something we’ve never experienced before with our generally chilled-out little guy. Anyway, we all survived but were exhausted and sleep-starved by the time we were back home mid-morning. We all had a good two-hour nap after lunch and then that night we had the luxury of a 12-hour night’s sleep (just over 14 hours for our son)! That was the best night’s sleep I have had in a long time and did us all the world of good.

It made me think back to those first couple of months of motherhood when a regular night’s sleep isn’t even an option. No matter how tired you are, there’s just never that opportunity to have an extra-long sleep to catch up. Even napping when they nap, as everyone righty advises, doesn’t help that much and is more difficult than it sounds.

Chris Lopez, dad to four girls, writes a blog for busy dads to help them keep a healthy active lifestyle. He wrote a post towards the end of last year, listing his tips for managing your energy levels during the tough time of sleepless nights. Whilst his site is aimed at dads, his tips apply to anyone and I think he has some good advice for anyone struggling to keep going on little sleep. His six tips are as follows:

1. Stay on Schedule (even though every ounce of your being is telling you not to)
2. Drink lots of water
3. The 20-minute nap
4. Avoid sugary foods
5. Caffeine management
6. Get outside

I have to agree with all of these but especially drinking lots of water and getting outside. Keeping hydrated is really important when your body’s deprived of something (sleep in this case). Going out for some fresh air is something I feel like I’m always going on about but it simply makes you feel much better, both physically and mentally.

For any new mums or mums to children who still have sleep issues, these are helpful suggestions to hold you over until the stage when you can go back to enjoying a full uninterrupted night’s sleep. It feels like you’ll never get back to that stage but you will! I don’t think you ever appreciate sleep as much as when you are a parent, it’s a real luxury to me these days!

Do you have any other tips to add for surviving on very little sleep?

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