Mummy Zen

Artist and musician Scott Hansen had the great idea to ask 25 artists and creators, “What do you do to inspire your creativity when you find yourself in a rut?” Their answers provided some fascinating insight and tips. I’ve chosen some of them to share with you below.

Whilst the people at whom the question was posed are all creative professionals, creativity is something we all deal with. As busy mums, we try to provide creative play for our children, be creative in the kitchen, creative at work and in our minds, some of us do creative art and craft activities and others are creative outdoors; growing plants, vegetables and trying to be more self-sufficient and respectful of the environment.

New ideas and bursts of inspiration are invigorating, fun to put into practice and sometimes challenging. However, most of us at some point find ourselves slipping into easy habits and as time goes on, feel stuck in a rut. That’s where these suggestions come in handy! Here are some of my favourites from Scott Hansen’s list and my interpretations of how they can work for mums:

• I tend to say yes to more than I can do, and the fear of failure keeps the work flowing. Keeping busy and saying yes to activities, invites, visits etc can lead to some good ideas of things to try at home or with friends and family, as well as often being fun. Keeping busy also means less time to drift and feel unmotivated.

• Lots of reading and lots of sketching. Sketching might not be for everyone but even if you’re not artistic, it’s a good way to distract your mind and focus on something very different to the everyday. Reading keeps your mind stimulated, and depending on your choice of reading matter, can be instructive and inspirational. It’s also a nice relaxing alternative to slumping in front of the TV in an evening!

• I try to take some time off if I feel a lack of inspiration. Time off can be as simple as an afternoon or a couple of hours to yourself while someone else looks after the children. Being removed from the day-to-day humdrum is an effective way to revive yourself in all aspects.

• I find it from a combination of sources; experimental music, mid century design/cinema, nature/wildlife, etc. To achieve full creative potential I must sit in the woods, watch Mad Men, and listen to Boards of Canada simultaneously. Getting out in nature, even if it’s just your local park is a great way to clear the head. Enjoyable distractions are a necessary part of escaping the daily grind to help you relax and open your mind again.

• Clean my surroundings. I cannot think clearly when there’s a mess around me. I can’t cook in a messy kitchen and I’m sure crafty types can’t create on a desk piled with papers and rubbish. A clean slate is always a good start.

• Diversify your interests. It’s easy to get locked in our comfort zone of doing the things we are used to doing and regularly enjoy. For whatever reason, many of us tend to stop trying new things but it’s a great way to broaden our interests, meet new people and feel excited about something new.

• What always works the best for me is talking with my friends. They always have some new way of looking at problems that I never would have thought of, or a cool bit of inspiring artwork to show me, or just some words of encouragement that will get me moving again! I too find it helpful to talk with friends. Sharing ideas and getting their input can often be invaluable.

Do you use any of these suggestions when you feel in a bit of a rut? Are there other things you do in an effort to inspire your creativity? If you’re a fellow-mummy blogger, how do you deal with writer’s block?

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As a regular reader of Gretchen Rubin’s inspirational blog The Happiness Project, I couldn’t wait to read her book which was published at the end of last year.  It finally arrived a couple of weeks ago and I just finished reading it. It was a great read and one I think many of you would also enjoy.

The book details her year-long pursuit of seeking to increase her personal sense of happiness through focusing on different areas of her life and following a set of resolutions.  She read a lot on the philosophy of happiness and her resolutions involved a variety of techniques based on what she felt might be worth trying. It’s a very engaging read and the strategies Gretchen employs are things that we can all try out ourselves.

These are the subject areas Gretchen chose to focus on for the project (one for each month of the year, with December as the final month to try all of them at the same time!):

• Vitality (Boosting energy)
• Marriage
• Work
• Parenthood
• Leisure
• Friendship
• Money
• Eternity
• Passion (Pursuing a passion)
• Mindfullness
• Attitude

There were many helpful and insightful resolutions in the book but I’ll highlight three in this post, each from a different subject area:

Vitality (boost energy)

Going to sleep earlier: Only the other night my husband said to me, ‘Every morning I tell myself that I will go to bed earlier, but every evening I stay up late finishing something and then in the morning I regret it!’. This is a great correlation to Gretchen’s task of going to bed as soon as she felt sleepy. Many of us mums can relate to her point that evenings are valuable to us because the children are in bed, our partner is home, we have some free time….all these things make it hard for us to go to bed. We stay up watching TV, reading, browsing the internet, sending emails and go to bed later than we intend. Yet, as her resolution proved to her, Gretchen felt the benefits of getting a full eight hours sleep at night. More sleep really does equate to more energy.

Parenthood

Acknowledge the reality of people’s feelings: This might not sound like something concerning parenting but Gretchen discovered the importance of acknowledging her children’s feelings. She realised that she frequently said things to her children like, “You can’t possibly want more Legos, you never play with the ones you have” or “You’re not hungry, you just ate”. When she instead repeated her child’s assertions back to them, it was surprisingly effective as a means to diffuse their frustration. Instead of saying “Don’t whine, you love to take a bath!”, she said, “You’re having fun playing. You don’t want to take a bath now, even though it’s time”. Gretchen wondered if they felt reassured that their thoughts had been recognised and acknowledged, instead of feeling like they were being ignored. In addition to this technique, Gretchen lists five other ways to acknowledge her children’s feelings that she tried out. In all cases, Gretchen demonstrates that responding in a caring way rather than jumping to be dismissive of something your child says works best for both parent and child.

Attitude

Give positive reviews: Gretchen’s aim here was to tone down her critical side and to show more warmth and enthusiasm towards others. Finding the positive side to a situation isn’t always easy but it makes a big difference on those around you. Gretchen gave one example of going to see a movie with her husband and when her mother-in-law asked her about it afterwards, she resisted the urge to say, “Well, not bad” and instead told her, “It was such a treat to go see a movie in the afternoon”. Being surrounded by happy, positive, cheery people usually tends to reflect back on us, making us feel the same way. We can all probably aspire to be a bit less critical in our interactions with others. Whilst it’s a lot easier to snap at someone, trying to override that inclination and saying something positive will make you and those around you feel happier.

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Have any of you read the book or plan on doing so? Are there any areas of your life that you think could benefit from a resolution or two?

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“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one”.

Leo J. Burke

We’re back after a great week away. The 10 hour flight (18 hour total journey time) to the middle of Colorado went well and we were again impressed by the travel resilience of our one-year old. The return flight, as is usual when flying from the US back to the UK, was overnight and crossed a 7 hour time zone difference. My husband and I had been pretty confident that this return leg of the journey would be a breeze because our son would sleep the whole way. How wrong we were! Probably due to the fact he’d only had a 25 minute nap that day, he was overtired and we had a complete melt-down, something we’ve never experienced before with our generally chilled-out little guy. Anyway, we all survived but were exhausted and sleep-starved by the time we were back home mid-morning. We all had a good two-hour nap after lunch and then that night we had the luxury of a 12-hour night’s sleep (just over 14 hours for our son)! That was the best night’s sleep I have had in a long time and did us all the world of good.

It made me think back to those first couple of months of motherhood when a regular night’s sleep isn’t even an option. No matter how tired you are, there’s just never that opportunity to have an extra-long sleep to catch up. Even napping when they nap, as everyone righty advises, doesn’t help that much and is more difficult than it sounds.

Chris Lopez, dad to four girls, writes a blog for busy dads to help them keep a healthy active lifestyle. He wrote a post towards the end of last year, listing his tips for managing your energy levels during the tough time of sleepless nights. Whilst his site is aimed at dads, his tips apply to anyone and I think he has some good advice for anyone struggling to keep going on little sleep. His six tips are as follows:

1. Stay on Schedule (even though every ounce of your being is telling you not to)
2. Drink lots of water
3. The 20-minute nap
4. Avoid sugary foods
5. Caffeine management
6. Get outside

I have to agree with all of these but especially drinking lots of water and getting outside. Keeping hydrated is really important when your body’s deprived of something (sleep in this case). Going out for some fresh air is something I feel like I’m always going on about but it simply makes you feel much better, both physically and mentally.

For any new mums or mums to children who still have sleep issues, these are helpful suggestions to hold you over until the stage when you can go back to enjoying a full uninterrupted night’s sleep. It feels like you’ll never get back to that stage but you will! I don’t think you ever appreciate sleep as much as when you are a parent, it’s a real luxury to me these days!

Do you have any other tips to add for surviving on very little sleep?

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The first month of a new year should have a sense of optimism about it but for some people, January can seem like a long hard slog of a month to get through. I have offered some tips at the end of this post to try to help you get through the rest of the month without feeling like you have the January blues.

The buzz and excitement from Christmas and New Year celebrations have died down. We’re still in the midst of winter so there’s cold weather, it gets dark in the early afternoon and going out can be more of an effort. It’s too far from the beginning of spring to be thinking of brighter, lighter days. Some of us who enjoyed a festive period surrounded by family and friends may suddenly feel lonely once everyone has gone back to their own homes or returned to work. 31 days in the month can seem a long time to those people who over-spent at Christmas and are counting down to pay day….. Now let’s start thinking about how to brighten up the dark days and lift our spirits at this time of year!

All the things that would make us feel better (exercise, fresh air, healthy food) are too often not what people turn to. You hear excuses that it’s too cold to go out and exercise, too dark for a walk, and a chocolate bar is just what we need to cheer us up. We all know of course that staying inside, feeling miserable and eating chocolate won’t lift our spirits. Here are some things to try:

1. Go out in the morning for some fresh air and to get out of the house again before it does get dark. Get well wrapped up if it’s really cold out there, pull on an anorak and wellies if it’s raining.
2. Eat warming healthy comfort food that’s tasty and filling – hearty soups & stews,  cooked fruit etc.
3. Have some fresh flowers around the house for a burst of pretty colour.
4. Wear something colourful or an item of clothing that makes you feel good (so many people in London wear black clothing, it’s nice to see a change)
5. Do some exercise or vigorous cleaning to keep you warm and get your heartbeat raised. If exercising, try to enlist a friend for company and help with motivation during the winter months.
6. Use the extra time you are spending at home to work on something you’ve been putting off, for even just 5-10 mins a day (adding photos in an album, updating your baby book….).
7. Listen to upbeat, lively music to keep you in an upbeat mood.
8. Make the most of the dark evenings and surprise your loved one with a cosy candle-lit dinner or snuggle up together under a blanket to watch a movie.
9. Enjoy your Christmas gifts. If you got some nice new books, CDs, DVDs, pampering products, set time aside in an evening to relax and enjoy them.
10. Plan fun activities. These need not be costly. Invite friends over for dinner or for a movie night, have a girly clothes-swap party, go to a late-night exhibition view at a gallery…It’s nice to have things to look forward to.

Do you ever feel a bit of the January blues? Do you have some other suggestions to add to the list above?

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Photo credit

This is a guest post by Jacqui Porjes, Personal Trainer, BuggyFit and Yoga Instructor.

Photo by Adria Richards

As 2010 beckons, many of us will be aiming for a healthy start to the year. One way to begin as you mean to go on is to make some fitness resolutions.

On average only about 20% of us keep our New Year’s resolutions. Unfortunately, some of the biggest failures are found in fitness resolutions. No need to let the statistics get you down though. By following the tips below you’ll be better equipped to fall into the successful 20% category.

Choose an attainable goal. Resolving to look like a model is not realistic for most of us, but promising to include daily physical activity in our lives is very possible.

Avoid choosing a resolution that you’ve been unsuccessful at achieving year after year. This will only set you up for failure, frustration and disappointment. If you are still tempted to make a promise that you’ve made before, then try altering it. For example, instead of stating that you are going to lose 30 pounds, try promising to eat healthier and increase your weekly exercise.

Create a game plan. At the beginning of January, write a comprehensive plan. All successful businesses start with a business plan that describes their mission and specifics on how they will achieve it. Write your own personal plan and you’ll be more likely to succeed as well.

Break it down and make it less intimidating. Rather than one big end goal, dissect it into smaller pieces. Set several smaller goals to achieve throughout the year that will help you to reach the ultimate goal. Then, even if you aren’t able to reach your final goal, you will have many smaller, but still significant, achievements along the way. For example, if your goal is to complete a 10K race, your smaller goals could be running a 5K in less than 30 minutes, adding upper and lower body strength training to increase your muscular endurance, and running 2 miles with a personal best completion time.

Make contingency plans: don’t assume sticking to your plan will be smooth sailing. Plan on hitting bumps along the resolution road and be prepared with specific ways to overcome them. What will keep you from skipping your workout or stop you from having a cigarette? This may mean seeking help from family or a professional, writing in a journal, etc.

Give it time: most experts agree that it takes about 21 days to create a habit and six months for it to actually become a part of your daily life.

Reward yourself with each milestone. If you’ve stuck with your resolution for 2 months, treat yourself to something special. But, be careful of your reward type. If you’ve lost 5 pounds, don’t give yourself a piece of cake as a reward. Instead, treat yourself to something non-food related, like a professional massage.

Ask friends and family members to help you. It’s good to have someone to be accountable to. Just be sure to set limits so that this doesn’t backfire and become more irritating than helpful. For example, if you resolve to be more positive ask them to gently remind you when you start talking negatively.

Don’t go it alone! Get professional assistance. Everyone needs help and sometimes a friend just isn’t enough. Sometimes you need the help of a trained professional. Don’t feel that seeking help is a way of copping out. Especially when it comes to fitness, research studies have shown that assistance from a fitness professional greatly improves people’s success rate.

Limit your number of promises. You’ll spread yourself too thin trying to make multiple changes in your life. This will just lead to failure of all of the resolutions.

Test your flexibility: realize that things change frequently. Your goals and needs may be very different in April then they were when you made your resolution in January. Embrace change, even if that means that your resolution is altered.

Keep a journal. A journal helps you recognize your positive steps and makes it harder to go back to the same old habits.

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Jacqui Porjes | 07947 568890 | Jacqui@porjes.com |www.buggyfit.co.uk

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Mummy Zen: You’ll find you can apply these same tips to many other types of new year’s resolutions, not just those related to fitness.

Do you have any other tips to share? What has worked for you in the past, enabling you to stick to your goals?

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Photo by Eriwst

We all have times when we get flustered, stressed or anxious about something. Going into panic mode only makes matters worse and what we really need to do is take a moment to calm ourselves down so we can then deal with the situation appropriately. I’ve put together a list of techniques below.

Anything from being with a crying baby who can’t seem to be consoled to dealing with a demanding boss or a stressful social occasion can result in us feeling overwhelmed. By calming ourselves down we can feel a bit more in control of what’s going on and act accordingly. If you are calm, those around you will tend to also be calm and that can only be a good thing. Next time you are tearing your hair out, try a couple of these techniques and hopefully you will feel the benefit:

Take some deep breaths (count in for 4 and out for 4). Even better if you can close your eyes whilst doing so.

Actively relax your body. Try scrunching your shoulders up towards your ears, hold for a couple of seconds and then drop them purposefully. Head rolls and stretching exercises can also help.

Have a hug from a loved one or friend.

Get some fresh air. Always a good way to clear your head. A brisk walk around the block or even in your garden if you have one can work wonders. You can take a screaming baby or toddler along and it might just help them calm down too!

Do something else (if possible). Anything to distract you from what’s making you tense and anxious. Clean something, call a friend…

Walk away from the situation for a couple of minutes (if possible). If you’re dealing with a toddler tantrum in the middle of a supermarket, this isn’t really an option but if you’re having an disagreement at home, go into another room for a breather.

What techniques do you use to calm yourself down in a stressful or difficult situation?

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As we are just days away from Christmas now, most people are busy with last-minute preparations and probably don’t have a lot of spare time to think about much else! Getting wrapped up in the festivities and the feeling busy that comes with this time of year, seems to last all the way through until the new year. Are we really all so busy or is it a welcome distraction from the day-to-day normality? What is the best way of staying happy throughout the festive season?

One thing I realised I have been guilty of in the past is using Christmas and the holiday as an excuse not to do the things I’d do in any other week of the year. Things that make me feel good, like exercise. Or I do things I wouldn’t usually do in a regular week, like unnecessary shopping (lured by the sales) or eating way too much chocolate. Lots of people complain that they feel unhealthy, sluggish and a bit depressed after Christmas and I think these types of things are part of the reason.

It’s great to have a relaxing time over Christmas, enjoy some special treats and do activities you might not have the time to do when your partner is not at home to help with the children. I think it’s important to do different, fun things as a family and not worry too much about the regular routine. However, there are some things it’s good to keep doing, to help keep you feel happy and healthy. If you normally go for a run, a workout or some kind of exercise, that’s probably one part of your routine you might consider keeping over Christmas. You’ll feel better for it and indulging in richer festive food won’t then be so bad

When the Christmas holiday comes to an end, your husband or partner goes back to work, and you’re left with a house that needs a good clean, a body that needs a detox, your purse strings feeling tight and a pile of new gifts and sale purchases to find uses for and space to put away, you’ll probably feel pretty miserable. Instead, if you do a little bit of cleaning most days (just 10 minutes of tackling one small area of the house), you won’t get a build-up of dirt and clutter. If you intersperse your rich meals with healthy light foods (fresh fruit and vegetables, nuts, seeds etc) and keep your body hydrated by drinking plenty of water in-between glasses of wine, you won’t feel so full and bloated. A brisk family walk every day can be an enjoyable activity if you go somewhere new or stop off to see friends and getting out alone for a run or to do some other kind of exercise will be reinvigorating and mood-enhancing!

It’s good to remember what Christmas is all about and what it means for you and your family. I think we need to be wary of using it as an excuse to do or not do certain activities that we enjoy and benefit from, even if they don’t seem so attractive at the time. You can make these things fun so they feel less of a chore. Eating healthily after a day of indulgence, can be more enjoyable if it involves cooking a new recipe and being a bit more adventurous with food. Exercise can be easy to do if you play a game or sport with family or friends. To really have a happy Christmas, you need to feel happy yourself!

Is there anything that you do or don’t do , routines that you keep or discard during the holidays to keep in the festive spirit?

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Photo by Jenny Downing

This week I’m following a ‘Yogic diet’, also known as an Ayurvedic diet. My yoga teacher asked for a couple of volunteers to trial the diet for a week to help her with something she’s writing. Always one for a challenge, I was keen to participate. (It’s not a diet to lose weight, more a kind of eating regime).

I’ll provide you with a couple of links at the end of this post for those of you interested in finding out more but here’s the basic idea…. Ayurveda is the traditional medicine of India, originating over 5,000 years ago. Its focus is on re-establishing balance in the body through diet, lifestyle, exercise, and body cleansing, and on the health of the mind, body, and spirit.

Firstly I had to identify my Ayurvedic type, of which there are three: Vata, Pitta and Kapha. There’s then a corresponding list of foods for each type and the object is to eat the foods that are ‘balancing’ and steer clear of those that are ‘aggravating’. As expected, caffeine and alcohol are to be avoided and the more fresh fruit and vegetables eaten, the better. Your stomach should ideally be 50% food, 25% water and 25% empty.

For my yoga teacher I am keeping a food diary that has to be submitted once the week is up. It’s the first time I’ve kept a food diary. It certainly makes you more conscious of what you eat when you know somebody else will know about it! I don’t think it would be so effective if my yoga teacher wasn’t going to be reading it.

Being a vegetarian, I thought I would find this ‘diet’ a breeze. Instead, it has been quite challenging but in a positive way. It’s given me an insight into my eating patterns and tendencies and I have had to be more creative with certain foods. As a couple of examples, in an effort to eat seeds I have had pumpkin seeds sprinkled on my porridge and sunflower seeds in a salad. That’s another thing – salads. Generally I rarely eat salads in the winter, instead prefering something warming in the cold weather, like soup or jacket potatoes. I’ve really been enjoying the salads this week and have made a tasty variety to keep them interesting.

We get a box of organic vegetables delivered to us each week so eat fresh, seasonal vegetables on a very regular basis. This week though, I had to go and buy a load more to last me the week. It made me wonder if we really do eat a lot of vegetables or do I make myself less-nutritious lunches in an average week?

I’m enjoying the questions arrising from following this ‘diet’ and the need to think a bit broader when deciding what to eat for a meal. If nothing else, I will have gained a good look at my own eating habits and will have learned to be a bit more creative with the food I eat.

Have you ever kept a food diary or followed a diet that’s forced you to be more creative with food?

Find out your Ayurvedic type here and list of foods to eat here.

The other morning, I was walking past a local cafe and saw a mum I knew sitting in the window, sipping on a coffee and reading a newspaper. I gave her a wave and thought to myself how nice to just be able to go have a coffee and enjoy a bit of ‘me time’ in the morning. Her two children had already been dropped off at school and she works part-time so was probably on her way to work.

As a mother, and as a stay-at-home mother particularly, ‘me time’ can be hard to come by. There are opportunities of course and it’s important to take as many of these as you can. Maybe a family member or friend is able to come over to babysit for an hour or so while you go out to get a haircut or meet a friend for coffee. If your child goes to nursery or school and you’re not at work, you can do a little something for yourself amidst the daily chores. After the little ones have gone to bed is another good time, as are weekends when Dad is at home. You can get out by yourself or even stay in but do something relaxing and indulgent for yourself.

By ‘me time’, I mean time to yourself to spend as you like. That might be alone time; going for a walk or a coffee to enjoy some quiet and be with your own thoughts. It might be seeing friend for a chat and laughter over dinner or a glass of wine. Maybe you use your ‘me time’ for a bit of pampering like a well-deserved massage. Whatever you choose to do, the important part is to feel like that bit of time is all yours.

Even an hour can be a nice break and gives you a chance to step back from the day-to-day routine. ‘Me time’ helps you recharge and feel energised. It gives you a respite from monotony and the humdrum. I know whenever I get out for some ‘me time’, I return feeling lighter, happier and enthused to be back with my family doing all the regular things.

To help you get the most out of your ‘me time’, I’ve come up with these four tips:

• Schedule it. Put a time in your diary and stick to it to ensure you don’t miss out. This is especially important if you don’t have family or friends nearby to help out with babysitting as it’s easy for the time to pass without you getting a breather.
• Plan it. Decide how you want to use your ‘me time’ so you don’t waste any of it.
• Mix it up. If you usually use your ‘me time’ to catch up with friends, be sure to allocate some time that’s for you alone. It’s good to have a bit of quiet time for yourself too and really helps you relax and recharge.
• Encourage it. Everyone needs their ‘me time’ so help your husband/partner fit in his fair share too. You’ll get the benefit of their time out too when they come back energised and feeling in a good mood.

The School of Life, for those of you not familiar with the organisation, is a little place in London offering courses and services to people who want to expand their mind on topics ranging from philosophy to literature, psychology to the visual arts. Some of the staff, faculty and ambassadors write interesting little musings on their blog and last week I read one about ‘The Fear of the Amateur’. In the post, Cathy Haynes presents a view that we have all veered so much towards being audience-critics, with the plethora of TV shows on DIY, cooking, home renovations, singing and dancing; that we no longer dare try being ‘amateurs’ at a new skill, hobby or activity.

“We fear the amateur in case it causes us to loose face and look uncool. But at the root of the word amateur is the Latin amare, to love. An amateur pursuit is something we have genuine passion for, regardless of how we look to the outside world. By abandoning it, we lose the pleasure of doing something that is playful, creative, absorbing, and solely for itself.”

Haynes thinks that we would sooner buy something than make it because we think a purchased product much superior to anything we could produce ourselves. I would add to that, the issue of time. People are always rushing to get things done or wanting to have something new immediately so they just go out and buy it rather than thinking about spending any time on it. Part of the fun of play I think is getting absorbed in what you are doing so that you don’t give a thought about the time.

As adults, play shouldn’t be something we leave to our children. Just as they enjoy making things and creating, we should remember that we can also still have that kind of enjoyment. It’s not about making something perfect, it’s about engaging in an activity which can be relaxing, intellectually stimulating, challenging and fun!

Read ‘Cathy Haynes on the Fear of the Amateur’ here.